Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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