I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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