Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
