do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
