Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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