Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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