My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
