I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
