his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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