I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
