i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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