Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
