I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
