just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
