Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Randomize
