I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
