remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
