and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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