I wannas sexs uuuuu
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
