Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
