seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I want a musical about memes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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