Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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