Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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