Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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