there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
