He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
