i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
