i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
