I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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