Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
