ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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