So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
