I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
