Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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