She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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