I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
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he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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