i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
