I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
