ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
