Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
