She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
