You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
