i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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