I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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