Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
