After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
