When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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