You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
