In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
