So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
