remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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