i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
