It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
