I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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