I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
