Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
