Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
