Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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