Soap is not a condiment
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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