Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize