obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
