You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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