After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
