Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
