Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
