I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
