What a fucking waste of an outfit
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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