I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
