I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
