i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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