Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
