thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
