my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
